Painting Love God and art are two of my greatest passions in life, passions that fuel a desire to serve others. A passion I hope I share with you dear reader. Only, what happens when obstacles, limitations, and life circumstances get in the way of that desire? Today, I want to relay what God has shown me; a creative way to make a difference, by seeing every moment as an opportunity to love, unlimited by circumstances.
This lesson comes in the form of a story. My story. Here is how it begins; I had the most incredible childhood because of the love of my parents and sister. Nevertheless, from an early age I also had significant health challenges. I had my first neurosurgery at 4 for Chiari Malformation a problem where due to a lack of room the brain herniates into the spinal column. The impact of this and other issues caused by it affects me to this day. As you can imagine I had a large number of sick days home from school as a kid. Every time no matter how I felt when I woke up in the morning I was excited, excited because I knew my mom had something fun planned. Crafts, activities between naps, reading books to me, a fun lunch, cookies, entire themed days, you name it she did it. She planned something special every sick day making every day good, every day fun, no matter the circumstances. Teaching me one of life’s most important lessons at an early age; expect the good. Anticipating the good showed me every day holds something beautiful you just have to look for it. Joy, fun, goodness, truth, and beauty are always there just waiting to be discovered. When I was recovering from my first surgery I remember everything seemed hard, walking… the frustration of not being able to play. So, I began to draw. Here was something I could do, and I fell in love. When I couldn’t discover a tree by climbing it I could discover it in a new way through drawing in trying to capture the colors, textures, and the way it made me feel. This pursuit made me notice and love the little things I was finding in each day all the more. In looking for the good I began to notice God’s presence. To discover Him in ordinary moments and in acts of kindness. One of my earliest memories is from the Shand’s ICU, I was four and a beautiful young woman named Brooke who was probably fifteen or sixteen had befriended me. She seemed so grown up to me I remember thinking at the time she must be the doctors assistant. To my great surprise while I was recovering from my surgery someone came in to see me, walking through the door and to my bed …slowly painstakingly, with a walker, and a shaved head. I didn’t recognize her at first. My mom whispered in my ear who it was, I should have known by her smile. It was my friend Brooke. For as long as I live I will never forget her walking into my room I can still picture it. The strength and kindness she showed in checking on me in spite of her own pain was a profound example of kindness that opened my eyes and my heart in a new way. In each moment of goodness, beauty, and kindness I was encountering God. Somewhere along the line I started praying not out of childlike eagerness to please or because my parents told me to, simply because I felt God’s love for me and I loved him back, I wanted more of Him. One encounter, one childlike prayer at a time He showed me He is to be trusted. One challenge, one surgery, one suffering at a time I learned to depend on Him. Each time in new, different, and deeper ways. I learned to look for and find the good that God was working in each day, the beauty He created waiting to be captured by my pencil, the chances to be kind. Each is one of a million little moments where God showed up and I received the grace of His presence that built a foundation of trust. You might be wondering what trust has to do with service and making a difference, well I believe it is everything. Because it is trusting God to work good in all things that transforms each and every ordinary moment into occasions to love. That relationship of trust carried me in high school when I began passing out frequently, at certain points as often as once a week. I was dependent on the near constant help and caregiving of my family, friends, and teachers. The whole time praying that God would make me better. The whole time learning to trust Him in the midst of uncertainty. God filled me with a deep desire to give back to the people who were taking such wonderful care of me, but so often when I woke up after fainting I couldn’t speak yet to thank them so I learned to smile as a way of letting them know I was okay and grateful. One day a girl from one of my classes that I didn’t know very well came up to me and asked if we could talk, I was surprised but said okay and we stepped into a closet at school to talk, huddled in the cramped closet she proceeded to tell me about all the hard things happening in her life. She shared with me everything she had been facing which was significant, and then she began to tell me how a few days earlier on a particularly hard day she watched as they took me out of school on a stretcher after passing out and I was smiling. She looked at me with such earnestness and said if you can smile through that then I can keep going. Then it suddenly hit me… all those years I had been praying for God to make me better, better so I could help people. But He was making me better! He was making me a better person so I could help people. So I could learn to love in and through the smallest acts, even a smile. A few years after high school my health really started to improve! I was able to go off to Flagler College and pursue my love of art. I got involved in campus ministry, I was able to volunteer at the same children’s hospital in Jacksonville where I had stayed. Suddenly, I was able do more of the “big” things I had always wanted to do to help others, the things I imagined made the biggest difference. I was blessed with healthy and wonderful years at Flagler, making lifetime friendships, while learning about painting and life. And so I started planning, because I was ready to paint the beauty of the world for others to see, and ready to make a difference in the lives of the kids in the hospital… Then during my senior year I started having some serious health issues again, at first it was seeing stars, numbness down my arm, headaches at night, but I had things to do people to help so I tried to dismiss the symptoms and keep going. Ignoring them became harder and harder and slowly I went from helping to the one that needed help. By the time I graduated I had to have help from two of my professors to cross the stage. We realized soon after I needed two more Neurosurgeries. Suddenly all “my” big plans keyword there being “my” to make a difference through work at the hospital, painting, and campus ministry weren’t happening. In spite of the lessons of trust God had already taught me I still felt like I could make the biggest difference through big acts and through art. I wanted so desperately to change the world, to be great! I was faced with the question, how do I continue my dream of painting and loving others when I am physically capable of so little? I came across a quote by St. Mother Teresa, a hero of mine it said; “Don’t look for big things, just do small things with great love …The smaller the thing, the greater must be our love.” I had just finished college yet God was transforming my circumstances into a school of love. A school of small things. After brain surgery I couldn’t so much as sit up without help, I was only capable of the smallest things. I wanted to paint, so God brought me people. People who became my new medium.Each person I encountered I could now see as a gift, an opportunity, a blank canvass to paint love upon. Instead of brushstrokes one smile at a time. I wanted to help people in the hospital, so God brought me nurses, and janitors, physical therapists, and the woman who brought me food. With each person came an opportunity to put as much love as possible into the words, thank you. I wanted to help others encounter the love of God, so he showed me how to trust him in suffering, so that in some small way I might mirror the image of Jesus. Those were my desires and God made each possible in ways I never could have imagined and He still continues too. It is so easy to view service as an act limited to a certain time. You know what I mean we have our volunteer time, our home time, and then work time and they are all separate. But love and charity don’t clock in, they are for all times, and all occasions. So here’s the idea to make a difference in the world and in ourselves; see each and every moment as an opportunity to build up our community, by loving well the people within it. By saying hello to strangers, kind words to our waitress’, even offering a smile to the person who cuts you off in traffic. Each is an unrepeatable moment, an occasion to love. Opportunities to serve are always there regardless of our circumstances. Even in the smallest acts. Especially in the smallest acts. I hope my story gives you encouragement when you meet your own struggles in life as we all do. I know if you are in this room you are here because you want to make a difference everyday. So when you encounter your own life circumstances that feel like obstacles to charity, take courage and remember the circumstances of your life are not your life they are merely the canvas on which God paints. There is no limit to making a difference, because there is no limit to love. The challenges I have faced have required an ample amount of waiting: waiting for doctors appointments, waiting for surgeries, waiting to get better, waiting to make a difference. I have learned to stop waiting. To live now, to love now, and to no longer see obstacles. To wake up each day like my Mom taught me anticipating the good. To live knowing that each moment is a gift and an opportunity to paint love into the world … regardless of my ability to hold a paint brush. I believe you can too.
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InspirationMy inspiration this week has come from my trip to Panama! My artwork focuses on people and immersive landscapes both of which this place was abundantly full of in the most beautiful and authentic ways. The first image is of the tribe we stayed with and the people in the image include a woman who asked me to draw her baby, and a little boy who I befriended. The moment all of them standing there almost looks to perfect to be real, but it was! The second image is the same little boy who followed me around everywhere and would come and leap into my arms. Capturing people in an authentic way is so important to me and the moments I shared with this kid who's language I could not speak transcended to a place of shared life and humanity for which no words were necessary; only smiles! The third is of the of the jungle which was breathtakingly beautiful. Work in Progress...To Change the Landscape & To Change the Landscape of our Mind Istanbul's Bosphorus canal could dramatically improve the regions economy. Due to the ease of transporting oil it could reduce the price of oil changing our rate of use and the global market. There are ripple effects to such changes that must be weighed. The dramatic effect the canal could have is mirrored by the dramatic effect it will have on the landscape cutting straight through the land defying nature with rising water. In a certain capacity this project will control or rather defy nature manipulating it for human use. Perhaps, it will be worth that cost but projects such as this set a moral precedent that places the economy and the present moment above the land and the future. The Dakota pipeline is a prime example. We have reached a point where the taking of others land is believed to be wrong, and disrespecting and dismissing groups religious beliefs is wrong yet the land was taken and it's sacredness to the people who live there dismissed. I don't really know enough to be sure what the right choice is in the case of the canal. However, I do know and truly believe that the business of prioritizing the economy is the wrong thing to place at the top of societies moral hierarchy. What we believe transforms our mind, the way we see, what we see, what we remember. I have learned from painting that we see what we think we are going to see and it takes great effort to remove ourselves from anticipation and truly look. A "green" leaf has an array of shades from blue to yellow, browns and more, yet in our belief that it is green it is easy to dismiss or not even notice what is really there. The psychology of perception has been studied extensively, and it applies to more than just the visual, anticipation or prior framing places experiences into schemas and alters how we experience things in the future. In regards to the article this week which saw alien influence in ancient art. I am reminded not to look for what I want to see or be limited by what I think is there; but to be open. Is is in mindfulness and childlike curiosity in the world around me that I think I see the truth most clearly. Life is far more beautiful when I see, hear, and feel the unexpected. It is in taking time to notice that I find my mind freed. Inspiration I have been working of the waterfall piece this week and having largely one subject "the falling water" flattens the space. I'm hoping to use light, contrast, and atmosphere to increase the sense of space, this weeks inspirations are work that do just that. Rani Gardner's Paintings the first two below, have an incredible sense of light and atmosphere. The David Shepard panting 3rd uses detail and texture. The final drawing is a William Hyde piece his ability to crease atmosphere with charcoal is astounding to me! I love his work! Work in ProgressStardust I can see the stars in other peoples eyes. It is said that eyes are the window into your soul. Well, somehow I can see inside; both the love and the pain. I can see it when someone has suffered. It's something deep inside. Something is hidden, but so very close. I can see fear and searching. When someone is looking for something to hold on to, there is an emptiness. I can see the lonely, the rejected, and in pain. My heart it hurts to see it, so I try to make my own eyes show the love iv'e been blessed to see. Love is like the stars shining in others eyes. I saw it in my mom's eyes as a child whenever she would come home. No matter how long, dinner or a trip. Arms outstretched, eyes twinkling waiting, loving. Still I see it now whenever I come home, still twinkling, still waiting, still loving. I see the joy in the eyes of children, eyes filled with emotion yet that spark is always there, I think it is curiosity and hope. And a love without condition that glows. My favorite thing to see as dear as my mom to me, is the love of loves. A light so bright it fills the room, it does not twinkle it shines, as bright as love can be the Holy Spirit, I can see Him there in people eyes. Yet, I don't just see it I feel it and it fills my very own soul, rushing through me like water gushing forth from a fountain. It is joy and peace. Let me give Him, let me share Him, can you see Him in my eyes. A love to shine into the pain and the loss. A love of hope, it is the stars shining in the darkness. Another thing about the darkness, it becomes beautiful when you can see the stars. Inspiration... Michelangelo Pistoletto,1962–1964, 78-3/4 x 78-3/4 x 7/8 inches, Oil, graphite on tissue paper mounted to mirror-polished stainless steel. The material and use of the mirror to create space as an integrated element to the concept is inspiring. Pandora's Box, Maryanto,2013/2015, Charcoal. This piece is a charcoal drawing which uses the installation space to create and environment within the piece. This creation of an environment as well as the large scale charcoal drawing are element i am incorporating in my own work. I'm planing on drawing a waterfall for my next piece, I think the dark rock and contrast in this image will work well for a charcoal drawing! Work in progress...InspirationThis week I was captivated by a collection of articles by Google Arts and Culture about discovering 8 fascinating communities from around the world. Each of these communities have beautiful and unique cultures and traditions. It is beautiful to see the lives and loves of other people that I would otherwise never have known about. https://artsandculture.google.com/theme/xgICrBEHOfKiLw Another inspiration is the artwork of the Maio women from China they were featured on one of the articles. They use embroidery to preserve their history and culture making books of patterns and garments which they hand down for centuries adding on to it. The article and pictures can be seen at the link below. https://artsandculture.google.com/exhibit/WgICcd0xLHcsKg I have also been inspired by the work of John Singer Sargent I aspire to have a similar skill and touch with the paint. Work in Progress...Inspiration The song "Stubborn Love" by the Lumineers has been on my mind this week there is a line in the song that says "the opposite of love is indifference". This is an intriguing thought to me, it is precisely this indifference that I'm trying to effect through my work. Another line in the song is, "it's better to feel pain than nothing at all" I think this is why there is so much negativity in the news and elsewhere it is easier to evoke. Link to the song on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGewQB3mDv4 Another form of inspiration like the aforementioned song deals with indifference is a Lenten message from Pope Francis of which the theme is the "Globalization of Indifference". http://en.radiovaticana.va/news/2015/01/27/pope_warns_of_globalization_of_indifference_in_lenten_messag/1120128 Irena Sendler is a woman who's story has inspired me in countless ways at different points in my life. She was a Polish social worker who risked her life traveling in and out of the Warsaw ghetto during WWII to smuggle out over 200 children. She is a little known hero who changed the world. If you are not familiar with her check out irenasendler.org there are you will find interviews and stories that you will never forget. There is a quote by her which says; "He who changes one person changes the world entire." This to me is reminder of the opportunity each of us has to effect change, it means so much coming from a woman who truly and undeniably changed the world. Work in Progress... This week I read the essay 'Total Eclipse' by Annie Dillard. The first words were, "It has been like dying" she elaborates, describing the same event as slipping, falling, and sliding slowly without control. Her description feels panicked. I find it striking that this description which she finds akin to death is far more like life. Many people slide through life living without intention, watching as time falls away, living a life like sliding down a mountain pass. Death, even the nearness of it is like slamming on the breaks. The reality of death is the clarity to see life, to love life. Wondering if you will wake up in the morning makes you treasure the day as a gift when you do. I am not afraid to die. I have been fairly close. There are steps when you are going downhill, panic, pain, struggle, and fight; this is life, this is living. Then it gets quiet. That is the best way to describe it. You go from being unable to get comfortable, squirming with the agony of it all, to stillness. The pain dies away, you don't move, not an inch, not a finger. You breathe, slow. You look. You are tired, it would be so easy to close your eyes. But you have people to love, and a God to live for, not just die to see. To go to school, to walk without getting tired, to wake up, to see, to hear, to feel good, even to feel bad, simply to feel, what a gift. Inspiration Gordon Parks photographic work has been another inspiration this week. Parks captured images that illuminated the daily life of African Americans during the civil rights movement. These powerful images of their life and humanity had a profound effect on others. I am inspired by this use of art as activism. https://www.google.com/culturalinstitute/beta/theme/KALyWEH0ykiDIA Another source of inspiration this week was an editorial by Google Arts & Culture, 10 Fascinating Letters worth Reading. The article includes letters written by Martha Washington, Nelson Mandela, and Elenor Rosevelt among others. It is the humanization of these elevated figures that captured me. https://www.google.com/culturalinstitute/beta/theme/gALCXglnIoY4IQ A quote by Mother Teresa captured me this week, although admittedly I am always captured by anything she said.However, this quote in particular seems to apply so fittingly to the production of art. It is easy for me to create art out of a desire for praise. But it is the work created out of love and humility that means the most and leaves me wanting to create more and love more. "Humility is the mother of all virtues; purity, charity and obedience. it is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed you will not be discouraged. if they call you a saint you will not put yourself on a pedestal." - Saint Mother Teresa This quote is a challenge to create and act out of humility and love. Work in progress...Human For humans love nature the patterns the ease, there is something about it we like it to please. But if I may pose the question for a moment or two. What if that was all others liked about you? If you were symmetrical from your head to your toes, and all people saw was your perfectly aligned nose. What would become of the person inside? Would you shout? Would you scream? Would you run and hide? Each of us are more than a body, a face, We each have a soul. We are the human race. Choose? People are dying before they can see, What it is like to live like you and me. I find it atrocious I cannot lie, That ones so young must already die. Because they are different, because their life will be hard, too expensive, too troublesome what will it be? I think the answer comes to you and to me. It is the challenge of love, the problem of pain, We are unwilling to struggle, our life might not be the same. If we think of ourselves, and begin to choose. Which life is worth living. We will all lose. For if we kill or push aside, those who are different, who will struggle, or live hard lives. It might come as a surprise, There will be no one left free or alive. InspirationThis article shows the intersection between space, form, and art history, in our contemporary art world. I love the interplay and juxtaposition of different human creations across time. https://www.google.com/culturalinstitute/beta/exhibit/5gIy_zyA8L6uLQ Oil painting by Daniel Gerhartz. I find the technical elements of this work inspiring. Particularly, the reverence for light. I also love the composition of the painting and the way the middle woman engages the viewer by her gaze. Another inspiration this week has been looking at images of celling frescoes and thinking about what that perspective does to the viewer and how it changes their relationship to the work physically and conceptually. Work in Progress...What is Truth In the darkness of the night I could hear two voices. One called out to me, “I am the truth”. “What is truth?” said a second voice. I listened to see what the first would say but no response came. I waited… Then the second voice said again, “What is the truth?” Hoping to avoid another uncomfortable silence, I responded. “I don’t know!” I told the second voice. Then calling out to the first I asked, “Who are you?” “I am the truth”, it responded in the same constant and steady voice. “Well there you go!” I told the second voice, he is the truth. “Who is the truth?” “The other voice, he says he is the truth” I said, a bit exasperated with the two voices. “What other voice? I didn’t hear anything.” said the second! “The voice of truth” I exclaimed. Uncertainty and frustration stirred in my mind. “I didn’t hear Truth, are you sure it’s really there?” The voice prodded. Nervously and with hesitation I called out, “Truuuth, are you there?” “I am.” The voice spoke out. Relief washed over me. Then to my horror the second voice said, “I still don’t hear anything, it must not be there.” “Are you really there?” I asked truth my own voice cracking. “I am. I am if you listen for me, I am if you look.” “How do I know you are real?” I asked. There was a pause, not of hesitation but of waiting. “I am as real as you allow me to be. You decide.” Inspiration...This empowering Ted talk by psychologist Susan David, focuses on self image and emotion provides helpful research for my mirror project. https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage Another inspiration this week has been in rediscovering my love of Rembrandt. His use of color to create depth, form, and lighting is masterful. Ilya Repin, the Russian master portrait painter expertly captures both gesture and emotion in the faces of his figures. I found the painting below inspiring this week. Work in progress...A Sense of Time He appeared suddenly, although he must have been there before. I kept walking, figuring I was too lost in thought to have noticed his approach. Walking towards me he smiled kindly, it seemed as though he would pass out of my life as quickly as he had entered it. But he stopped. Just as we were about to pass on the sidewalk he paused and asked, “Would you like a gift?”. “No thank you” I replied, wary of this odd statement from a stranger. “Don’t you want to know what it is?" Seeing as the man appeared to be at least seventy I allowed my curiosity to reign over the faint possibility of danger. “Well I suppose I do!” I answered. He paused and smiled. “It’s another sense. Like seeing or hearing, you know a sense” he added noticing my puzzled expression. In an attempt to humor this man who was clearly delusional I inquired “What do you sense?”. His eyes came alight with youth and energy as he responded, “time”. My mouth parted slightly in surprise at loss for words. “Everyone can see time” I said tapping on my wristwatch that was proving my point by ticking away. “No, no, my dear, you are seeing the consequences of time. The setting sun, a ticking clock, wrinkles that form, you see the single moment in which they are happening not time itself.” Now my interest in this surprising old man was growing. “What is it like then, your sense of time?” He looked away as if at some unseen view. “It’s like one long line from the moment you began to the very end, it stretches on and will never bend.” Then suddenly I saw it and knew there was no turning back. I would say yes to the gift, I supposed I already had. For this was a memory, I have no idea how. Both the present and past are in front of me now. I still remember the twinkle, I can see it in his eye, of things yet to happen and things gone by. I now see time like seeing blue, smelling a rose, or the feeling of you. I will not tell you what happens in the end. It is the mystery and the unknown that makes time seem long. Enjoy the uncertain, the wandering days, they are a gift for which no one prays. Inspiration There is a scene in the movie "The Giver" which mimics a feeling and sends a similar message to the one I am hoping to provoke. The premies of the book and the movie is of a society where memories and history have been erased and even emotions are limited. The protagonists are fighting to return these memories. Here is the youtube link to the clip... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYrVQ1BwRT0 Another source of inspiration is a Ted Talk which shares research on the impact certain positions and postures can make. Posture as well as the phycological impact of being able to visualize on success and performance plays a role in the new piece I am working on involving a mirror. I hope there will be a phycological effect at play within the work.The talk is below. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?utm_campaign=tedspread--a&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare My final source of inspiration is Kumi Yamashita's work. This work is incredibly inventive and exciting in it's use of materials (or lack there of). The absence of material and use of shadows is not only ascetic but plays a strong role in the conceptual meaning of the work. Work in Progress... |
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